Today it is my pleasure to Welcome romance author Lynne Marshall to HJ!
“Edits Unleashed” gives authors an opportunity to share with readers deleted scenes that did not make it through the final edits into publication.
Today, Lynne will be unleashing edits from her book Dr. Tall, Dark…and Dangerous?
Thank you, Sara, it’s always fun to visit HJ
The book
I call this my Boston book. I decided to set a story in “bean town” because my husband is from there, and my daughter and son-in-law went to graduate school there. It’s a great city and I always look forward to visiting. As for DTDaD – Dr. Jared Finch is called to the Everett Urgent Care clinic to do a plastic surgery consultation. Nurse Practitioner Kasey McGowan hasn’t been this interested in a man in ages. The problem is, she’s just been hit with horrible news about a potential life threatening genetic disease. Until she gets to the bottom of this medical mystery, she has no business getting involved with anyone. But Jared proves to be irresistible.
As the back of the book blurb says – She comes with baggage, he’s got a whole baggage carousel–and giving in to their attraction risks everything. But the desire is oh-so-tempting…
The Characters
Dr. Jared Finch is divorced with two children and is very unhappy with his current situation in life. After being a general surgeon for many years, he decides to become a plastic surgeon to make more money so he can keep his children in private school and continue to pay alimony to his ex-wife, and still have something left over for himself. But his heart isn’t in plastic surgery, and the only reason he sticks around Boston is to be near his children.
Kasey McGowan is a graduate of the school of hard knocks. She has worked really hard to make a decent life for herself, and she loves running the clinic for the local citizens just outside of Boston. She’s never known who her father is, and gets handed quite a blow when she discovers he has recently died from a terrible genetic disease…one that she has a fifty-fifty chance of inheriting.
The Scene
For those who may have read the book already, the scene I’m sharing happens just after Jared and Kasey have a nice dinner out and for the first time kiss – then wind up making out in public.
I wanted the readers to get a peek inside of Jared’s apartment in order to have a better feel for how empty and lonely his life was. So I take them to Jared’s house. The editor’s reason for deleting this scene was a good one – it took the wind out of the sails of the building sexual tension. Deleting this scene meant Jared and Kasey would go straight to her house and rip off each others’ clothes. 🙂
So the deleted scene begins just after they’ve made out by the harbor – I have Jared come to his senses – but the editor didn’t want that – she wanted them to jump right in to the next level. This scene delays them from getting together.
Reading this again – I see very clearly how it slowed down the forward motion in this story.
Edits Unleashed
Without this scene, we never get to see Jared’s apartment in Beacon Hill.
Except
“Let’s go,” he said, taking her hand leading her toward the walkway. He’d come to his senses. Seducing a woman in public wasn’t his style, what the hell was he thinking. “I should probably get you home.”
Her puzzled gaze left him feeling like a jerk, though she seemed to recover quickly enough. “Good idea. I’m glad we walked over, now I have a fighting chance of working off a part of that molten chocolate cake I ate.”
“You can pack it away,” he said, feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time.
She slapped his deltoid before wrapping her arm around his elbow. He let her, feeling more familiar with Kasey and her sweet lips…and hips.
The drizzle had let up, and the walk back to his car became leisurely, the urgency of their kiss dissolving a little more with each step. He didn’t want to forget it. No. He wanted to remember every luscious second of their hot make-out session. Feeling the heated blood rush through his veins reminded him that he was alive, that he could feel passion again, that he’d been missing a hell of a lot of the good stuff life had to offer.
He glanced at Kasey, walking arm in arm with him, her face turned up toward the sky, a slight smile tugging on her lips. “Oh, look!” she said. “It’s a full moon.” The curtain of clouds had parted enough to see the plump white ball in a deep navy sky.
So it is, he thought, and life feels pretty damn good right now.
Twenty minutes later, when they arrived at his car, before he produced the keys from his pocket, he got a bright idea. “You want to see my apartment?”
“Your apartment?”
“Yeah, I live in Beacon Hill, remember? I have the permit on my car window and everything.” He pointed. “See.”
She gave him a suspicious look. “So, you want to show me your etchings?’
What the hell did he want to do? Besides his kids, he’d never invited anyone into his house. It wasn’t a place he was proud of, didn’t represent anything about him. It was functional, that’s all.
She must have read the mix of thoughts going through his mind. “Sure,” she said, saving him an explanation. “I’ve always wondered what these places look like inside.”
“Don’t get your hopes up,” he said, as they crossed the street and headed for his red-bricked basement apartment. “I’d never be a candidate for home beautiful magazine.”
She chuckled, the sound delighting his ears.
“Gosh,” she said as they took the four steps down to his front door. “This must be a problem with flooding.”
He shoved his key into the lock on the dark green door with the brass knocker. “They’ve worked out a draining system here, but it’s a bitch to dig my way out in the snow.” As he opened the door, stale air contrasted the fresh night. He flipped on the lights. Drab. Would she think his house was as bleak as it looked to him right now? He tensed. Why had he brought her here again?Kasey glanced around the small living room. A brown plaid overstuffed couch took up most of the space, a smaller matching chair on one side, a large black leather recliner on the other. Standard landscape prints hung on the walls in the dim room. The only things that stood out were the multiple framed photos of his kids. At least half a dozen pictures taken at various ages were scattered around the room. He may have ordered his furniture from a catalogue, but those frames housing his children’s beaming faces made this place a home.
“My style of décor is called functional.” He tossed her a humble look. “I just wanted some place to flop, yet big enough for the kids to come and stay with me.” He dropped his keys on a small dark wood table by the door. “It’s only a one bedroom apartment, but the davenport pulls out into a bed.”
She stepped deeper inside and he caught her eyes with a searching gaze. Did he want her approval?
“Would you like some tea or coffee?” he asked.
“Oh, I’m fine. Still full from dinner. Thanks, though.”
“Let me show you around. Not that there’s much to see.” He grabbed her hand pulling her along behind him toward the next room, and it felt good to be touching him again. “They’ve updated the kitchen.” He flipped on the light, which was much brighter than in the living room.
The galley kitchen sported shiny black with gold flecks granite counter tops. Glass faced cupboards, a small stainless steel refrigerator and stove, and a gooseneck brushed nickel faucet.
“Very nice,” she said.
“Thanks. The bathroom’s been updated, too. The rest is just stuff. You know?”
“I guess I do. It must be hard to know you’re only going to be somewhere a couple of years. Especially as a single person.”
He got a glass from a cupboard and filled it with water. “Yeah. The wife got the house and the furniture.” Took a drink. “The last thing I felt like doing was shopping for stuff, so I lease the furniture.”
She took a seat on a leather cushioned stool by the counter. He leaned on his elbows across from her “I didn’t mean it that way, in case I came off bitter. I was just stating a fact. Since we were in the neighborhood and all, I just thought I’d show you my place.”
“I got ya. No need to explain. Hey, maybe I’ll have a glass of water, too.”
A few minutes later having taken a quick tour of the snug apartment, and her granting her polite approval, they headed out. The bedroom had been as nondescript as the living room except for a bright blue and white comforter, and a king-sized bed that practically filled the room wall to wall. Maybe he’d had big plans to finish off the seduction she’d started back at the restaurant, but the shine had left the coin by the time they’d gotten to his place. So much for brisk walks in damp night air. Or maybe he was more of a gentleman than she’d given him credit for. Whatever he was, right now, she was darn glad she’d met him.
When they got to his car, he leaned in front of her to open the door. She didn’t back up enough, and when he rose up his face grazed close to hers. He stopped, lips lined up with hers, eyes delving deep. She froze and breathed softly, hoping he’d kiss her again.
He did, and it didn’t take long to reignite the tamped flames from earlier. Except this time there was something even sexier added to the mix, he’d opened up and let her into his life making the sexy kiss feel even more intimate.
The book picks up with this sentence:
Jared had never driven so recklessly in his life.
The couple can’t wait to get to her house to make love.
Thanks for blogging at HJ!
Giveaway: I have a lovely Mills&Boon hardback version of this book to give to one commenter in the US. If the commenter is from outside the US, I will be happy to provide either a Nook or Kindle version of the book.
To enter Giveaway please post a comment to this Q: Do you agree with the editor? or Did you like getting a look at where the hero lives?
Please note: This contest will close on Friday Feb 14 2014 at 8:59 PM (PT) and the winners will be notified via email and on this Post. Winner will have 48 hours to respond to my e-mail before a new winner is selected. All entrants must adhere to HJ’s official giveaway policy.
Book Info:
Dr. Tall, Dark…and Dangerous?
New surgeon Jared Finch is causing a storm in Nurse Practitioner Kasey McGowan’s clinic! She’s got better things to think about, but what’s a girl to do when Jared’s been nicknamed Dr. Tall, Dark and Gorgeous? She comes with baggage, he’s got a whole baggage carousel—and giving in to their attraction risks everything. But the desire is oh so tempting….
Watch for Lynne’s upcoming Medical Romance – American Surgeon in London – May 2014
Also available – Making the Surgeon Smile – June 2013
In the Blink of an Eye (Short Medical Romance Story) e-book only at Amazon, B&N and Smashwords for other e-readers
Book Links:
Author Bio
Lynne Marshall is a Harlequin, Mills & Boon, and Wild Rose Press, multipublished author of contemporary romantic fiction, and Medical Romance. She believes it’s never too late to fall in love, and enjoys writing not only about young romance, but more mature romance as well. Lynne heartily believes in Life, Love, and the Pursuit…
A late bloomer, Lynne came to fiction writing after her children were nearly grown. Now she battles the empty nest by writing stories that always include a romance, sometimes medicine, a dose of mirth, or both, but always stories from her heart. She is a Southern California native, is happily married for a looooong time, she is a dog lover, a cat admirer, a curious tourist, and an avid reader.
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Mary Preston
While I enjoyed reading the scene, I can see why it was not used. It kind of acts as a delay.
suzisummer
I am glad she left this scene out as it did put a damper on the build up in the sexual tension these characters were feeling.
kp
I liked seeing where he lived but agree it does slow down the story!
DebraG
It does seem to drag things out. Great choice to leave out but great for this blog post.
KateS
I think how his place looks can tell you a great deal about a man.
Tammy Y
I liked this scene. Glad i got to read it.
Tammy Y
Also i have this book, so don;t include me in the draw
Lori Meehan
Yes and no. I think sometimes descriptions can go to far and get boring but I think there still needs to be done because it gives you some insight to the personality of the characters.
Sue G.
I like getting a look of where they live. It gives you a better idea of them.
Margaret
It’s tough to answer without having read the rest of the book. It was a nice glimpse into the personality of the characters which could help make you understand why they behave they way they do, but without knowing what other detail may be in the rest of the book it’s tough to say if it should have stayed in or been cut!
Ann Waters
I think the editor was partially right, the deleted scene may have been to long in context with the rest of the book
Lynne Marshall
It’s so interesting to read everyone’s comments. At first I saw 100% agreement with the editor, then I read on to find some 50/50 about leaving it in or taking it out, and a couple of you would have liked it to be left in. That’s what I love about people – we all have our specific tastes. That’s also why it is incredibly hard to write books if the goal is to please everyone. It is impossible. LOL.
As I mentioned, when the editor pointed out what that scene did to the forward motion of the story, I didn’t put up a fight. But I tried to think of another place where we could see Jared’s apartment – that never happened.
Thanks so much for being the first 11 to stop by and reading the blog. And Tammy Y – thank you for owning my book already!
I hope this blog wil stimulate interest in reading the book.
Texas Book Lover
I can agree that it slows things down, however it is always fun seeing these types of scenes on authors websites or various blogs as little extras!
ndluebke
I’m kinda mixed, I like because it gave more depth to him, but it did slow it down.
DJ Sakata
I liked it, I like details
marcyshuler
While I liked reading it and seeing inside his small apartment, I agree with the editor that it was better to leave it out. They both seemed uncomfortable about being there. Jared seems almost apologetic and Kasey seemed hesitant and confused about being there. I can see them walking back to the car and then the kiss re-heating them from there without the apartment scene being much smoother.
Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your writing that we’d never see otherwise, Lynne!
Lynne Marshall
I’m really glad that Sara came up with the idea to share edited out scenes. Most agree it didn’t need to be in the book, but many of you seem to be enjoying it anyway.
Yes, my suggestion to aspiring authors – listen to your editor. They know what they are doing! 🙂
Tina Hammond
I agree with the editor- and kudos to the author for listening. It delays the story with facts that, while interesting, drag out the scene too long. Nice to read it as an outtake, but I think it was the right decision.
denise
hopefully, the reader gets to see the apartment eventually because it does reflect on his personality
Janice Unger
I think maybe a version of the scene could have been used. I have to admit that it was a tad slow, but I did like getting a feel for Jared (I haven’t read the book, so this could have been accomplished elsewhere).
dutcheja
I always like to discover who the characters are. I think this book works either way.
parisfanca
I liked seeing where he lived but agree it does slow down the story!
Lynne Marshall
I see a definite trend with the comments. Sometimes we authors get too invested in our stories and we need critique partners and/or editors to talk some sense into us. I really do appreciate the commenters tolerating my desire to show Jared’s apartment, but as said before, I agree it slowed things down.
If it wasn’t for Sara/Harlequin Junkie initiating Edits Unleashed, No one would have ever known this scene existed. I’m really happy to have the chance to share it.
Sara HJ
Lynne, thanks for sharing.
Kai W.
The editor is correct in taking this scene out. The main thing is to keep the story going as well as the relationship. I do have a tendency of mentally commenting when there is a delay in the relationship.
Olga
I liked getting a look at where the hero lives.
Michelle Huang
I do like to read about the character’s lifestyle before meeting the significant other but I do agree that it may have slow the pace of the book and it becomes very unnecessary of putting it into the final draft. This could be the same reason why directors always have these deleted scenes out on DVD.
Justine
I agree with the editor but it was also nice to read where the hero lived.
Sandie W
Yes, it does slow the story down some, but it’s so real!! Many men have the sparse spaces they call home after a divorce. (most because of a money issue after making sure that the child support payments are made)
By the way, I can’t wait to get my hands on this book!! It sounds fantastic!!!
Wilma Frana
Great book, I’d love to read it.
DJ Sakata
I kinda liked him feeling humbled and vulnerable to her opinion – and finding out about his home at the same time.
Lynne Marshall
I’m loving all of these comments. Keep them coming!
Everyone has such interesting takes – and most agree with the editor. One thing we have to learn in writing is how to pick our fights. Most scenes can be doctored but some just need deleting. Sad but true.
bertie welck
50/50 here I don/t think it takes away from or adds to, to either way is fine with me
Amy Rickman
I actually like getting to know the characters so I don’t think I would have had issues with the scene but it’s hard to tell from just that part.
Christine L.
Without reviewing the story as a whole, I’m reluctant to opine that the scene wouldn’t have added to the narrative. However, because the editor and most of the other commenters seem to concur that the removal of the scene helped to move the story forward, I would likely tend to agree.
Cindy Hamilton
I like getting to know the characters more!
Brandi
I liked the scene, it was cool to see inside his home a little,… but I understand why it was edited out. But I wouldn’t have minded it if it were left in though. =) And I just have to add that I love that this book is set in Boston,… i’m about 20mins outside of Boston…. born & raised here in Massachusetts! 😉
Sara HJ
***** WINNER: dutcheja ******